my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
