accomplished twins. life is a go
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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