none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
