JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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