The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
