She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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