I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
