Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
