3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
