you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
