Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
