I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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