We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
