she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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