Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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