Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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