Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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