the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
