he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
