In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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