just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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