i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
