no, he came in my armpit
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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