Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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