Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
