Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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