were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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