i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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