honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
