stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
