Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
