can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
