She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
