I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
