I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
