I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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