im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
