I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
