Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
