You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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