the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
