I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
