i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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