For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
