he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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