Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
