conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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