So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
