Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
