I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
